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Saturday, October 1, 2011

R.I.P my dearest granny

i will NEVER EVER wanna write this post,
i've never ever thought that i will write this post after my previous post,
it just a month ago,
when i was writing the previous post,
tears were running through my face.
when i am writing this post,
tears just flooded over my face.

1st photo took in my new camera phone
never ever thought it would be the last photo of her
which i can capture for her
i miss her so much
she's gone for almost 2 weeks
she already left us for almost 2 weeks
i miss her in every moment
I wonder how is she now?
I wonder is she doing good?
I wonder did god really take good care of her now?
there are just so many wonders in my mind
im a selfish grandchild
eventhough i knew that
she's in hospital
but i didnt rush back in time
eventhough i knew that
she wanted me by her side
but i didnt be by her side for most of the time
She's looking for me during the last day she's alive
but im just too far away from her
i left her
after seeing her for just less than 10 minutes
what a SELFISH me
what a BAD grandchild me
i've regretted for not accompanying by her side for longer period
but it's just too LATE
im just so sorry to her
i should have accompany her
but it just too late to say this now
sleeping beside her
during the last night that she will be with us
was the last thing that i can do
to accompany her
knew that she's afraid to be alone
that's why i stay beside her for that night
just to accompany her for her last journey with us
usually she will always ask me to stay with her
most of the time i rejected
and only a few times i stayed with her
she took good care of me when i stayed
but that night was the last night i stayed with her
and she was not able to take care of me anymore
grandpa had took her away
seeing her lying in an icy coffin
i wish that she could hear me
i really wish to
i have so much to say to her
i have so much to do with her
but yet it's just too late
now,everytime went back to her house
i miss her voice
which always ask me am i hungry?
when is your holiday?
not gonna stay with popo tonight?
i miss these
i seriously miss these
maybe God wanna took her away from those painness
maybe God don't want her to suffer anymore
maybe grandpa knew that she was afraid of those sufferings
that's why they took her away
may God really take good care of her
may grandpa really protect her wife in their world
i wish that i could be your granddaughter again
in the next life
i'm glad to have you, popo


now i could really deeply understand this chinese idiom
that kind of regret is just undescribable
please appreciate the one you loved
be greatful when they are still here